I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
