i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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