dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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