Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
