fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
