Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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