Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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