Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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