Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Holy sore nipples Batman
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
