i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm like, not good at living.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
