how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
