She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
