Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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