If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
pray to the hookup gods
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That was before I lit my hair on fire
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
