hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I could make wine with my vomit
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
