If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
