do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
