I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
