So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
