Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
