sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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