READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
