I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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