Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
