Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
