Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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