Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
