If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
