Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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