Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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