Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
