My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
