yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
