remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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