whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.