Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.