saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week