I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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