drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there's paper in my vomit.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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