I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize