So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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