So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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