I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize