I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I cut my penus on the lid.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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