i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
