i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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