I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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