But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
