I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
