I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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