no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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