Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
