Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize