Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
