This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
