Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
