Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
