1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish you could order shots online.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
