I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
that may or may not have been my penis.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
