Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
