have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
