And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
