if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
