dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
