He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
