Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
