Sober January is a disaster.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
