No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
