girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
