I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
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