You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
