Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
